Loud and Proud

I know.  It’s been forever since I posted anything here.  But I felt the need to write something today.

I'ma tell a story.

It was the late 90s.  Driving down a bumpy, country dirt road on fall night, the tall fields of corn surrounding us and Phantom of the Opera playing from the CD player plugged into the car radio.  My brother was in the car with me and he says, "There's something I want to tell you."

I won’t lie.  I was scared.  We were teenage sibs, and it’s not like we had heartfelt talks and I could hear the tone in his voice.  It was something serious.  And he was nervous.  This was the night he told me he was gay.  My response. . . ."Okay."

And that was pretty much it.  Didn't say anything else.  Until he asked me if things were really okay.  I said yes, it was just unexpected and it needed to sink in, but it was okay.  And it's always been okay.

I wasn't some enlightened and knowledgeable person.  I was a teenager like him going through some heavy life stuff of my own and this wasn't something I had any preparation for.  He pretty much threw a Mack truck of a new world onto my consciousness.  Homosexuality was old stories in the Bible about sodomy being bad and something other people in other places dealt with.  I knew it existed but never gave it much thought.  Until that night.  But nothing really needed to sink in.  There wasn't much to think about.  Practical matters were discussed like who else had he told and how and when was he going to tell mom and dad.  But acceptance of it for me.  Easy.

He was my brother.  And he was a good, honest, smart young man.  That was all that mattered.  Nothing was going to change between us.  We were still going to live our lives like we always did.  I was still going to look after him like I'd always been doing.  I was still going to love him.  I was still going to feel joy and hurt because I loved him.  Who he chose to love wasn't going to change any of that.  I knew then it meant he was going to have to deal with things 'ordinary people' didn't.  And if they didn't deal with him well then they would have to deal with me.  But him and me, we were okay.  With me, he was lucky.  The parents were another matter.  They had to deal with it and in some ways they didn't do so well.  And they're probably still dealing, quietly.  But it could have been worse.

And I was lucky.  There are days in one's life that they never forget.  That they reflect on over the years.  That was one of those days for me.  That day, my brother gave me a gift.  He opened himself up to me in a big way and let me know him better.  And he also let me better know who I was.  I like that person.  I am proud of that person.  I am proud of the both of us.

Today is National Coming Out Day.  And that’s pretty much it.